Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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