yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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