finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
