I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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