I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
