YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
