can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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