I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
