I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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