Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
