there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i think i have two assholes
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
