Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
