You smell like stripper and shame
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Boobs speak an international language.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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