38 yer olds are good kisserssss
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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