I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
