My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
