Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
