i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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