U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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