Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
