Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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