dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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