..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
