hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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