May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
