That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if only i could text you this smell
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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