she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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