I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
