when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
