Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
