Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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