At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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