i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
