Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
