I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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