I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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