I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
