Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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