Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
