I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
