Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
