I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
