so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
