angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
