i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
