if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Pooping to opera.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
