that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
