$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
