Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
