problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
