Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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