I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
