HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
