Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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